..and so it begins

  • 18th November 2016

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I have gone back and forth on the idea of writing this piece and at the end of the day, if it gives hope to one person who in some way can relate, then it’s worth it.

When I was a teenager I always thought I’d be married by 28, have my first child by 30 and live happily ever after. Well, now I’m in my 30’s and life is very different to what the teenage me had in mind.
If you are a new follower to my blog.. Hi, I’m Tricia.
I am a woman of faith. I grew up in Australia with my 4 sisters, 1 brother and raised by my Spanish/Filipino parents. I was a professional dancer in Australia for 8 years, retired then moved to Manila in 2011. Here, I became a tv host/fashion blogger, met a boy, we became friends and three years later I married him secretly in Las Vegas 2014, then moved to LA.
A few months later we had 2 more beautiful weddings in the Philippines.
We were just so in love..
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LA life was like living back in Sydney for me. I loved it, the weather, my friends, it was like returning home. It was familiar. I stopped blogging to concentrate on supporting my husband and his dreams because we were one now, his dreams were my dreams, right? They were our dreams..
That was my first mistake. If there’s anything I can say to other women out there it’s this. Never give up your own dreams for anyone. I didn’t realise I was giving so much of myself to a man who in hindsight didn’t appreciate it. I believed in my heart that eventually it would be my turn to shine again so I just loved on him.
We went on trips and started to explore the world together. Most of them we shared on social media for everyone to see, so they could have a special peek into our love adventures. What we created was beautiful because what we had was beautiful. But something started to feel inauthentic, I just couldn’t put my finger on it at the time and that was my second mistake. As women we have women’s intuition, I just wish I listened to it sooner.
So as I was saying life in LA was great, it was new and exciting but that’s speaking for myself. Life for him was just..different. I found out that he had issues and struggles that he kept from me and unfortunately instead of talking to me, he left me.
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I was shattered!
I was living my worst nightmare and it was so out of the blue. I kept asking myself, ‘What did I do so wrong that my husband doesn’t want me anymore?’, ‘Was I a horrible wife?’, ’What’s wrong with me?’,’Where did it all go wrong?’.
What made it worse was that being a public figure I didn’t want people to see the cracks in our relationship. I still wanted to protect him, I still wanted to protect ‘US’ but I was already broken. My cracks were just too big and I fell apart. A month or so later he asked me back but nothing had changed, he didn’t want to work on things and I quickly saw through the lies. The man who came back was not the fun loving man I married. Even his dreams and goals had changed. It was then I knew something had to change and I was the only one who could make those changes. It was my life.. so I asked him to leave. I listened to my intuition, sought counsel from my Pastors and decided to do what was best for me as an individual. It wasn’t easy that’s for sure. Asking the man I loved so dearly to leave the house because he wasn’t treating me right was one of the hardest decisions I’ve had to make.

 

Moving on and getting over someone is the hardest thing anyone will have to ever do in life. The past 8 months for me have been a road to discovering. I had to say goodbye to someone I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. You can’t hold on to somebody who doesn’t want to be held onto.  Because of this whole ordeal though I’ve realised that I am a much stronger woman than I could ever imagined. I have found out more about myself and how far I can be pushed than I ever thought was possible. I have found out who my real friends are and that there is a big difference between being a good submissive Christian wife and being a door mat. There is a big difference and after allowing myself to get angry and be sad I am now healing. I know I have to wake up everyday and continue my life without him and I’m ok with that because I believe I deserve better.

..and so it begins. 

Why now, why blog about this? well because it’s made me who I am today and reviving my blog and not addressing what I’ve been up to and going through in the past 2 years is pretty much unavoidable and I really want to move on the right way. People always ask and I hope this will end the questions and lead to peace. I’m done talking about what went wrong but I am happy to talk about my life and the journey I am on now. I always try to encourage you all to ‘be true to your own style’ and, well, I like to think being true to yourself goes hand in hand with that. So I’m trying to keep it real.
If you follow me on social media you already know things anyway, I’ve been receiving your messages of support of love and I thank you. To the women who have been emailing and IG messaging me going through similar experiences, I’m also writing this for you as well, as a reminder to be strong and to have faith that you deserve better too. To take care of your heart and one day you will wake up and just not miss him anymore. I think I will always grieve for the man I married but I am now stronger, hopefully wiser, more grounded and more aware because of it and he is partly to thank for that. I loved this man with every atom in my body but that man I married 2 years ago, I don’t know what happened to him.. was he real or is today’s version of him the real him?.. I felt like a fool for so long but do you know what? I really don’t want to lose anymore sleep over this so I’m going to say I don’t care anymore and I will let God handle him.

 

Now it’s time for me to just love on myself and get back to what I love!

Fashion, dancing, hosting, spending time with my friends and family. I may be heartbroken when it comes to my husband but time heals all wounds and I am far from being defeated. And like any good tragic love story – I say good because my marriage was spectacular for a while there – there is always a silver lining..  mine is I’ve gained a whole other family and the most adorable Goddaughter. So I am not going to lose sight of love, instead I will work on myself until it finds me again. All in Gods timing.

 Tricia Centenera

Photos by Magic Liwanag & Mango Red
Dress by Francis Libiran

 

Vlog series, 'Centenera Time' will be coming soon. 
Please send in questions or comment below and let's chat. 

36 thoughts on “..and so it begins”

  1. Wow!!! ?????? Very well said Tricia. I felt like I want to cry while reading this. I can feel the pain and struggles you’ve been through. And most of all, I can see how strong you have become. You are such a genuine and wonderful woman. Spread your wings and fly again. Reach to where your heart desires. You deserve to be happy. ?

  2. Thank you for being an inspiration, Tricia. I agree that spending time with people who love you is the best way to get through this phase. I had my fair share of chaotic days with my husband too but I am still married to him because he wouldn’t go even if I ask him to leave. We are staying together for our son. On the other hand, I have forgiven him and accepted the fact that we can never be anything more than good parents wanting the best for our son. I feel better now and back to my old bubbly self focusing on what makes me happy. And yes, I am hopeful too that someday, romance will knock on my door once again! All the best gorgeous girl!?

  3. Simply written but with so much emotion translated; so much of this I can relate to even though I am just a 21 year old grieving over my first love – nothing close to the pain of watching my own marriage fall apart. The line “was he real or is today’s version of him the real him?” hit home and I can’t imagine how it must be to feel that way when you are a wife. I’ve been following your social media since you married him, tbh I always thought he was the lucky one and that you could have done waaay better – not that that matters, and sort of saw myself in you through every stage you went through. Even though only through what you post do I learn how you feel and what you’re going through, I have come to admire you even more. Your tweets comfort me and give me inspiration. And I genuinely wonder and fail to understand why, of course women in general, but especially, women like you are treated that way. I truly hope you continue to be blessed on your new journey; and that someday the love you give is given you.

  4. Tricia,
    I knew there was something odd when there was no longer posts of you & Gab together. I too had to make that same call for my sake & especially for my children. Honestly, it was hard. But, like you said, we deserve our own happiness as well. May God guide you in your journey.

    BR,
    Gina

  5. Very inspiring Miss Tricia.A woman of God always stand tall.For sure one day you’ll be blessed with a better person in your life.

  6. while reading your story i felt like i am entwined with your emotions…

    got married july last year. i can relate to your story.

    thank you for the sweet reminder(s)
    i am inspired. ?

  7. Equally heartbreaking and heartwarming. This is my story put into precise words. It has been 14 years for me now, and I only became the best version of myself after all.
    God bless you.

  8. I had this uote plastered on my wall for ages until I finally got over someone.

    “Time does not heal all wounds, Jesus does.”

    Jesus will complete you. I know he did fill me.

  9. Tricia, I couldn’t help but shed some tears while reading this. It is so raw and emotional. As one of your IG followers, I’m happy to see you getting up and finding yourself again. You have a beautiful face and a beautiful heart and I believe the right person who truly deserves you will find you.Good luck with everything and I look forward to more of your posts.

  10. Love this. I started following you both last year after amazing images of your weddding surfaced. I was mesmerized by how beautiful you are and how someone like him could have stolen your heart. But I understood after a while and everything made sense for a time. Then the silence, to the unveiling of secrets, and now this. My heart understands this kind of love – a woman’s love. I am and will always be #teamtricia.

  11. Hi Trish,
    I followed you and Gab on Instagram ( I unfollwed him after you guys broke up) I feel for what youre going through. Being in a relationship for 8 yrs, 4 years of it in a long distance coz I had to leave for Canada, I know what it feels like to ask yourself if the man you love years ago is the same man who is hurting you and treating you bad now. I am going through the same denial stage where I denied the faults, blamed myself and have repeatedly felt cheated on. But not anymore, I choose me.
    Just want to say thank you for sharing your story. I dont feel guilty now for breaking up with him. I refuse to be treated like a doormat too. I am going on a journey of loving myself more and fighting for what I think I deserve. Knowing that somewhere out there a strong woman like you is fighting the same battle with so much positivity and faith makes me more hopeful that I can win my own battle.
    Praying for you.

    Lois

  12. Hi!
    I’m one of your followers… some how we have same scenario with our married lives… i was taken forgranted, and i never speak, thinking that i am a wife, i should obey, honor my husband all the way and forget that i am a human too, that needs care, attention and respect, it took me almost 7 years to crack things out of me, i decided to leave, and live a life for my self, i never thought i can cook, serve my self alone, for the last 7months of my battle as a new me is really hard, my own family is so mad at me, they don’t even want to see me, they even cursed me for leaving him and try to find my purpose, my self as a person, it’s hard but it’s true… i’m alone and i’m trying to seek god’s grace and light, search for in every corner, looking forward to love and be love again, to have a perfect timing to be whole again.

    If you have a group or anything that i can join for proper sharing and gaining new friends please allow me to part of it, what i need right now is real people who understands, listens and give proper guidance towards on how i feel, what to do next and so on.

    Thank you for this wonderful story of yours here i was inspired to look for a brighter tomorrow and be grateful for everything about yesterday’s love… looking forward not looking back… one step forward not backwards, history will always remain history…

  13. I’m sad to learn just now that you already parted ways. I’m a lawyer by profession BUT STILL MY HUSBAND CHEATED ON ME. Then he felt so guilty coz he promised my mom that he will not ever do something to make me cry. That he will be a deserving husband. He used to serve as a President in our Christian church. He killed himself after confessing with our bishop and sending me a suicide letter.

    If he lived, I can still be good friends with him BUT WILL NEVER BE HIS WIFE EVER AGAIN. I always told him that in marriage when one becomes unfaithful, there’s no need for annulment or divorce to consider the know dissolved. Once you broke your vow, you released the person from being married to you. The contract is merely a paper. The vow, the sacred one is so fragile and once broken can never be fully mended.

  14. “…there is a big difference between being a good submissive Christian wife and being a door mat.”
    —Amen to that, sister! I came to that same realization 2 years ago.

  15. Like what they say ‘We deserve the love, we think we deserve.’
    Hello Tricia. I’m a travel blogger who uses Instagram to write about the people I’ve met along my travel. Your story is very similar to the people I’ve met. I would like to say my heart goes to you.
    ‘Sometimes when you show someone how much you love them yet they don’t truly see it why. Or they don’t see how your eye meets their eye. We get that wrong impression. That wrong impression simply they may show you some love but it’s not truly what you have for them. or either they may used or be with you because your really just there all the time. What’s the wrong impression is when they don’t understand what your heart truly beats for. It can also go for everything .’

    When you find peace again , your true soulmate is out there.

  16. Hey Tricia!
    Just so you know, I’ve been watching your videos and live interviews together. Your wedding video done by Nic is by far the best video I have ever seen; I have to download and save it as an inspiration. I don’t know what else to say. My words couldn’t make things less difficult but God is with you. You’re sucha faithful woman; I know you can get through this. God bless you even more!

  17. Thank you tricia. Thank you for being true as person and a woman. I don’t know you personally but you inspire me for being real. I am married now for 6 months but we’re in a long distance relationship and we’re happy. I live in florence italy and he is canada. In few months i’ll be going there to be with him and start our family together. We fight, yes we fight a lot but it doesn’t matter, because at the end of the day i know he loves me more than anything else because i feel everyday. I believe in true love, I believe that one day in God’s perfect time you’ll find yours. Keep going. Pursue your dreams your goals in life and don’t stop inpiring many women like me to true themselves. Thank you.

  18. This is truly brave. To put yourself out there is one act any woman would second guess in doing. It’s inspiring. I am an IG follower because of your wedding. I’m single with two girls. Being married is one of dreams. Seeing your wedding made me want to have the same. And all celebrities getting married out there. But this is the reality that no one sees. Thank you for sharing a piece of yourself to remind women like me that there’s more than life, much bigger and even much wonderful things than wearing a wedding dress. Yes, the men we loved will remain special but ourselves as individuals should be more special. You have no clue that coming out like this will empower women to step back and assess what they want in their lives. I’ll save your material and let my girls read it eventually. I dont know you aside from your pictures but my intuitions tell me that you’re a beautiful person in and out. Keep inspiring. Enjoy your alone time to discover more about your potentials. And yes, this was God’s plan. Be excited for his greatest gift. Stay lovely! Happy Friday!

  19. I did so many activities to forget and move on, but I guess I cant skip the healing process to be able to move forward fully. “one day you will wake up and just not miss him anymore.” – looking forward to this, but for now, I just need to figure out how to love myself agin.

  20. So much of what you wrote…I went through myself. I am glad, in a way to have read this…it’s somehow given me a little peek into your heart, a chance to know you a little better. I will always be your “Tita,” you will always be family to me. Just holler if you need an older, hopefully wiser person who’s had similar experiences, asked the same questions, etc.. God bless you. It will all fall into place in time. You are His daughter and He shall restore you and give you only all the happiness you deserve. Much love and a big hug. Tita S.

  21. I can totally feel the emotions and the rawness of this writing. We are all human anyway. Shit happens and it sucks when you’re a public figure. However, you are an inspiration to all of us women. Taking no shit. I like that. I’ve always seen some badassery in you and please don’t ever lose that. You are beautiful.

  22. Sorry to read this . I have been following on instagram but never realized what had happened. I am glad you have such a loving way of handling this situation. I wishing you much success and I pray God will continue to bless you as you move forward .

  23. Hi Tricia. Hope this finds you well. I forgot how I came to follow you and Gab on instagram. I didn’t notice until recently the difference in IG updates. I just remember the dance choreography of the 2 of you – very beautiful. Thank you for being open on this particular post. What I admired about you is that you are a woman of faith. I’ve been following you on Instagram and just started following you on twitter. I’m digging your blog. 🙂

  24. I just came across your blog because i was curious of your post on IG with your wedding picture. This is indeed an eye opener especially for those who think marriage is like a “dream fairy tale” coming true but in fact its not. I adore how you face your life challenges in a positive way. Will share this to my sister who went through the same as you did. Thanks for sharing!!!

  25. Thanks for sharing Tricia

    What you had been sharing is encouragement for women in the world who might has been through similar situations. Most beautiful thing is to see a woman s becoming more brave after all of those
    There are lot of people around you care about you.

    Thanks a lot.

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